Potpourri & Poetry Fridays - And God know's what else....

You didn't have to be....


You didn't have to be kind to me.
We didn't have to be friends...
All I wanted was one simple thing
Once again you can't contend.


I wanted you to be his father
The role blood, and the gods gave to you
I wanted him to know you
Since it's something I know you wished for you.


A letter, a moment, a second of your time...
Just to let me know it would be all right.
Wasn't an option.
Wasn't worth your time.
Oddly enough,
I can't say I'm surprised...


I push on, and make this life.
Exactly what he needs...
With love, compassion, and the sacrifice
Just to provide the means...


"I need to have a life too."
Is something you once said.
I'm sorry if 4 days a month is too much
While I am regularly losing sleep


The cooking, the cleaning
Boo-boo kissing, and bad dream quelling
The laughing, the tears, and his cries
Things you will never know


You didn't have to be anything...
Except his father...


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As you can tell I (and Emry) was once again let down by the producer of semen.
I got an email with dates he'd be available to take him, and I promptly let him know, that I expected more.
I wanted a written commitment to his son. I spelled out exactly what I expected.
I got "What do you want from me?"
And a bunch of denials that he wasn't being a bad father.
I told him it wasn't good enough...
Oh crap... This is what happened... I'll post it!
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Him: I came up with dates that I would like to take EMRY october is kinda fuzzy as I don't have the drill schedule for that month yet I will get it when I go to drill dates are as follows if it suits you and you haven't made any plans
July - 2-3, 23-24
August - 13-14, 27-28
Sept - 3-4, 17-18
Oct* 1-2, 22-23
Call me tomorrow and tell me if this works plus I can tell you about the crazy knock on my door at 3am that kept me awake til almost 430
ME: This is a good start.
However, I told you, July 21-24 we are on vacation.
So, that doesn't work.

1) I asked for a commitment to your son.
A plan. Along with 4 months of weekends.
This way I can feel easier that he can rely on you.
So I don't have to pick up the pieces, when you don't come through.

2) Also, I want you to stop TELLING HIM you are going to buy him something, you never intend on buying him
HELICOPTER
LEGO $200 TRAINS.
It is cruel.
And, I have to figure out a way to

3) When are you going to start contributing to your son's financial needs again?
He is going to need school supplies, and school clothes, and other things.
So when are you going to be back on your feet enough to contribute?

PLEASE COVER THESE 3 topic in your next email. And, then I will tell you if you have met my needs, and insecurities.

Thank you.
 
HIM:What more do you want .for the dates I gave u 4 months like u asked the other 2 weekends in july I'm working, as for telling him I'm going to buy him stuff the only thing I said I would was the helicopter, also I can most likely start giving you money again the second week of july although I'm not sure if I can do 100 every week, when I have my scedule for next fiscal yrs drills I can give you dates up to next yr

ME:N icholas,

It is clear from your response that you are not taking this seriously.
It is clear from your response you are unable to give me a plan, on how you are going to make it up to your son, and give him the attention he deserves.
I was not asking for a lot here.
Your inability to maintain consistency, and your lack of respect for your child has led me to this.
You do not take responsibility for your actions, and do not see how your neglect and inconsistency hurts EMRY.
I will not allow for you only to be a parent when it suits you.
I will not allow you to hurt my son anymore.

Please leave us be.
Please allow me to give EMRY the base he deserves, and the stability he craves.

Do not call or write.
I do not require your financial assistance, since it is clear that you will never be able to keep yourself a float.

When, and if, you think you are ready to be a father, you can try this email again.
But change takes time, so make sure you're 100% there before you try again.
But, in my opinion, and lack of faith in you, I know I won't here another peep out of you again.

This letter was not for me.
This letter was for your son, who will never know it, but has been let down again, because you couldn't take the time to prove that you were ready to be a father.
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And as predicted, not one peep since. NOT ONE!
I am not surprised.
It upsets me that he couldn't commit to his own son.
But, I will now do what I knew I would have to...
Start erasing these bad memories, by making new happy ones.